Most Effective Phrases for those living with Dementia
As we know, often it is not what we say, but how we say it, that impacts our probability of success. It is no different than with caregiving.
Someone living with dementia is grappling with a loss of control. They are older adults who have lived their entire lives, led successful careers, raised families, and are used to being in control. It is not easy to accept the fact that they need help from others to carry on with basic tasks.
Therefore, consider the following phrases and how we might change them:
I want you to … –> May I help with that?
You need to … –> Can I do that with you?
That’s not what I told you … –> Would it be alright if?
No, not like that… –> How about we try it this way?
You can’t… –> How do you feel about this?
Let me do that for you… –> How about we do this together?
Why don’t you… –> Do you prefer this or that?
Don’t you remember? –> This is your (house/sister/son,etc.).
Please do this… –> Would you like to do that now or in a few minutes?
In addition to changing our phrases, we can also use new ones when we encounter difficult situations. If your loved one in angered or frustrated, acknowledge how they feel and explicitly express empathy. They do not like their situation any more than you. This will help them feel understood.
Some of these ideas came from the Mayo Clinic’s magazine “Living with Dementia”, specifically Chapter 3, p. 42.
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